Challenges

Here I am, with a bursting heart and enjoying our baby girl. Jeff and I are so blessed to have Reagan in our lives. But I didn't realize how difficult the adjustment would be. Jeff thought I could use this blog to write about what I've been feeling the last few weeks, but I'm not sure that I could be that completely honest without sounding like a total nut case. I always heard that having a baby meant that you have little sleep and would be frustrating, but holy cow....no one told me that it would be THAT hard. I know that it's like labor; it's eventually over and you forget the pain, but when you are in the thick of it, it's intense. I consider myself a very strong and in-control kind of person, but motherhood has made me feel so vulnerable. Something that I didn't allow myself to feel very often. Luckily, every day gets better and better!

Much of the emotion that I've been dealing with has come from the issues we've had to deal with. Reagan dropped more than 1 pound of weight since she was born and didn't start gaining again until this week. We had an exciting doctor appointment on Wednesday and found out she is now 7 pounds 7 ounces and gaining every day! What a relief! We had made the decision to feed her mostly formula (with some breastmilk throughout the day). I think between Reagan not being a very good nurser and my body not keeping up, we had to move on to what was best for Reagan's health. This was a hard decision because it did make me feel like a failure. But I know that this is not uncommon and she will be just fine!

We've also got somewhat of a routine established....well, if you can call it a routine with a newborn! We give her the last bottle of the day around 10pm in her room with very little light and the sound machine, to signal nighttime. She usually sleeps around 4 hours and then wakes up screaming for food! After about an hour or so she slips back into another 2-3 hours of sleep. If I'm getting 5 hours of sleep a night, I'm doing ok! I'm not a daytime napper so it makes things more difficult for myself, but I usually take some type of nap in the evening. Even if it's just 45 minutes. It makes a world of difference.

I've been able to start getting out every now and then now that I'm healing well. It's hard to be cooped up in the house, but this too shall pass. Jeff is taking me out to dinner tomorrow night for a date, so I'm very excited about that! I love being a mother, but I also need to get back to being a wife. Building our marriage will only make Jeff and I better parents. That's it for now as my time is limited these days! :)