Challenges

Here I am, with a bursting heart and enjoying our baby girl. Jeff and I are so blessed to have Reagan in our lives. But I didn't realize how difficult the adjustment would be. Jeff thought I could use this blog to write about what I've been feeling the last few weeks, but I'm not sure that I could be that completely honest without sounding like a total nut case. I always heard that having a baby meant that you have little sleep and would be frustrating, but holy cow....no one told me that it would be THAT hard. I know that it's like labor; it's eventually over and you forget the pain, but when you are in the thick of it, it's intense. I consider myself a very strong and in-control kind of person, but motherhood has made me feel so vulnerable. Something that I didn't allow myself to feel very often. Luckily, every day gets better and better!

Much of the emotion that I've been dealing with has come from the issues we've had to deal with. Reagan dropped more than 1 pound of weight since she was born and didn't start gaining again until this week. We had an exciting doctor appointment on Wednesday and found out she is now 7 pounds 7 ounces and gaining every day! What a relief! We had made the decision to feed her mostly formula (with some breastmilk throughout the day). I think between Reagan not being a very good nurser and my body not keeping up, we had to move on to what was best for Reagan's health. This was a hard decision because it did make me feel like a failure. But I know that this is not uncommon and she will be just fine!

We've also got somewhat of a routine established....well, if you can call it a routine with a newborn! We give her the last bottle of the day around 10pm in her room with very little light and the sound machine, to signal nighttime. She usually sleeps around 4 hours and then wakes up screaming for food! After about an hour or so she slips back into another 2-3 hours of sleep. If I'm getting 5 hours of sleep a night, I'm doing ok! I'm not a daytime napper so it makes things more difficult for myself, but I usually take some type of nap in the evening. Even if it's just 45 minutes. It makes a world of difference.

I've been able to start getting out every now and then now that I'm healing well. It's hard to be cooped up in the house, but this too shall pass. Jeff is taking me out to dinner tomorrow night for a date, so I'm very excited about that! I love being a mother, but I also need to get back to being a wife. Building our marriage will only make Jeff and I better parents. That's it for now as my time is limited these days! :)

There's no place like home...

We made it!! After 9 nights in the hospital, we were officially released this afternoon. After a quick drive home, we started to get settled in and adapting to life outside of a hospital room. Everyone at the hospital was fantastic, with many of the nurses coming to wish us well and say goodbye to Reagan. It was time to leave though, since Reagan was the oldest baby on the floor, we were beginning to worry she would start shaking down other babies for their lunch money.

We have been relaxing this afternoon, sharing some laughs, watching Reagan, but mostly just enjoying being a family in our own home.

Getting ready for the long trip home

At home with mom

At home with dad

Still at the hospital

Well, it has been almost a week since little Reagan was born, but we are still at the hospital. We thought she had kicked whatever infection she had picked up, but the night before we were to check out, her temperature spiked and her respiratory picked up so the doctor decided more tests were needed. That night they drew blood, urine and closely monitored her throughout the night. Just when we though we were going to be able to take our baby home it seemed like we were back to square one. It was a very scary time for all three of us, but we put our faith in God and asked him for strength and to guide the doctors and nurses as they did their job.

By morning, her breathing had stabilized and she was a little warm, but the early blood tests looked good. They wanted to watch the blood and urine cultures over the next few days, but in the interest of safety, the decided that little Reagan needed a full 7 days of antibiotics. Luckily, the first two days she was on the antibiotics would count towards the seven. The bad part for Reagan is they had just taken out her IV, now they had to put in back in. That poor girl, she has had an IV in her more than she hasn't (and I think longer than her dad ever has too).

We found out Sunday morning that we would be able to take Reagan home on Tuesday, which was great news since the hospital room was getting a little small for the 3 of us. We all have been spending every night there, and Reagan has us on quite a routine. She seems to sleep like an angel during the day and then insist that everyone on our floor be awake all night. Luckily, each night has gotten successively better, and we hope this trend continues. I think Sarah managed a whole 4 hours of sleep last night, but that was way better than the 2 the night before. I help out when I can, but it did not take Reagan long to figure out that I was a distraction while mommy got situated for the feeding. My job is to settle her down so that she can focus on her meal - and I am working on doing this to the best of my ability.

We also want to thank everyone for their well wishes, thoughts and prayers over the last week. The farthest reaching "Congrats" came from one of our friends currently stationed in the Middle East - it's amazing how news travels so fast!

That is all for now, I am heading back to the hospital. There are some pics below - we cannot believe how much different she looks after just a week!!

Mom and Reagan

Smile pretty - her first real outfit!

Maybe confused - but still cute

Adorable!

Reagan's Story

After watching the Bears hold onto a late lead over the Lions on Sunday, Sarah and I went for a walk around our neighborhood to see if that would relieve some of her pressure. After thinking the walk did not do much good, we settled in for our usual Sunday night TV shows. Right before the shows started, Sarah began getting intense contractions that she could not talk through and was having a difficult time breathing through. After a few more of these contractions, we decided to head to the emergency room.

During the entire check in and assessment, we were not sure if this was the real thing or we would be sent home. At a little after 8:30, our nurse told us that this was the real thing, we were not going anywhere and that Sarah was already dialated to 2.5. We frantically began making calls to family and prepping ourselves for the hours to follow.

Sarah progressed quickly to a 4 by 11 PM and was offered the epidural, which she wanted to think about for a while. Two contractions later, she took the doctors up on their offer. Sarah was great during this entire process and with the epidural in place, she would have a good night of rest.

Sarah was awake by 7 AM (I was up about 5 – the time change was really messing with me) and the contractions started to increase. At this time, she was dialed to a 6 and it looked like we would have a baby by noon. Unfortunately, the contractions started getting more and more intense (internal monitoring confirmed this). Her medication was not working as well as before and Sarah hit a plateau of 7 centimeters. The nurses were closely watching her for progress, but unfortunately, she was not moving past a 7, the contractions continued to be intense and the baby was not dropping into the birth canal. There was some speculation that the baby may be too big to move into position. By 11:15, Sarah had talked to her doctor and a C Section had been scheduled for 1:15 PM.

After another round of frantic calls to family and changing into scrubs (not as easy as you would think), we were ready to go. All of the grandparents were there to wish Sarah and I luck as we went into the operating room. Yes, you read that right, I was in the OR during the procedure. They had special chair set up where I could hold Sarah’s hand and look at her face the whole time. Special note here – our good friend and nurse Sheri met us in the OR and gave us (a deserved amount) of static about not calling her when we checked in. It was so great to see a familair face!

At 1:35 PM, our baby was free – our doctor held her up so that I could be the one to announce to Sarah that we had a daughter!! They took her back to the table to clean her up. Sheri made sure that I could hold her for a second (and took some photos) and then let me show her to Sarah. We had a beautiful daughter, Reagan Elizabeth, who weighed in at 8 pounds 2 ounces, 19 inches long.

They very quickly had me set her down and told me that we would not have time to pause for family pictures, but that we had to go into a nursery for babies that required a little more attention. As we raced paced the anxiously awaiting family where I can to announce the baby, I kind of froze and quickly stated "This is her - this is our daughter!" – I would have been more eloquent, but there was a lot going on and I just wanted to get into the nursery quickly. Apparently, Reagan was working a little too hard to breathe and still had not turned "baby pink" (I just made that term up – try using it and see if it catches on). To help her breathe, her head was placed under an oxygen dome that regulated the percentage of oxygen that she was getting. Most people breather a 21% oxygen mixture, Reagan required a much higher percentage of oxygen (we think between 50 or 60) to help her breathe. The doctors were unsure of how long she would need to stay in the dome, sometimes it is a matter of hours or it can be days (don’t skip ahead – I can assure you it’s not days). She also had possibly swallowed some meconium (body waste) while inside of Sarah, so she needed to be put on antibiotics to prevent infection.

The entire family stood huddled at the nursery window, watching the nurses get the hood fitted on her and the IV’s set. Even once all of the medical stuff was in place, this would be the scene for the next several hours, the family patiently waiting for their chance to catch a good glimpse of the newest addition to the family. After about an hour, Sarah was out of the recovery room and Sheri made sure that Sarah was able to spend time with the baby, even if it was just touching her fingers.

Reagan’s breathing continued to improve very steadily over the next few hours, by 7 PM her mixture was down to 39% and all of her little fingers and little toes were "baby pink" (have you tried saying this yet – go ahead, it’s catchy). Sarah and I decided to try and get some sleep, so after a few more calls and text messages, we called it a night.

When the nurse woke us up at 6:30, we asked about the oxygen mix and were thrilled to find out that as of 4 AM, she no longer required help breathing. We made arrangements to head right down so that the three of us could be together and Sarah could finally hold our daughter. While we were in there taking pictures and staring at Reagan, the pediatrician made his rounds so we able to talk to him and watch her get checked up. He explained everything was progressing nicely and we were thrilled.

By about 9 AM, Reagan was able to join us in our room! This was so great, Sarah was able to start practicing breast feeding. The only problem was Reagan felt so at home in Sarah’s arms, she would relax so much she would drift off to sleep. This after the night before where she would scream at top of her lungs – apparently she just needed her mom! The family was also able to see her up close – so many people, so much love, all for such a beautiful baby!

The first time Sarah and I are with our Baby

The next morning when she is out of the dome